Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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