I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
