suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
