This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
