Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
