not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
