This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
