No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
