We're like a lot better than the average bears
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
