Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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