I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
