Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
