The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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