Do you still have your period?
Sponge bath it is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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