She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize