The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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