I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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