so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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