The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
