In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
