Kiss
Puke
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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