Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize