I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
