Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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