my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
