Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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