the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
