what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
