i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
