D3 body, D1 cock
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I want is dick and wine.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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