You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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