oh god the rape fog is back!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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