college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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