I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
