Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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