Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
