please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
