the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize