Life is so much better after having sex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
