She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
