jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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