you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize