No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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