You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
