you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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