i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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