Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
