i permit you to call me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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