Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My cat gives me a boner
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dick very happy bro
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
