i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
