If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hippo gnu deer
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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