No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
