yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
