i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
