i think my mom watched the whole time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
