D3 body, D1 cock
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
