On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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