That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
