youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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