Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
