i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
