Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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