he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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