Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize