I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
