Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
