All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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