She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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