I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
