i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
